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アーティスト:嵐(ARASHI)レーベル:(株)ジェイ・ストーム販売元:ソニーミュージックディストリビューション発売日:2007年05月02日メーカー品番:JACA-5060ディスク枚数:1枚(CD1枚)収録時間:16分50秒総曲数:4(シングル)このアーティストの新着メールを登録するキャッチーなサビ・フレーズ、鮮やかな転調とオープンなメロディ、アップ・ビートなラップも加えて文字どおり盛りだくさんなタイトル曲。かけ合いのコーラス・ワークもすっかり慣れたふうで、役者やタレントとしてではなく、ミュージシャンとしても著しい成長を見せている。タイトル(英名):『WE CAN MAKE IT!』[Disc1]『We can make it!』/CDアーティスト:嵐曲目タイトル:1.We can make it![4:10]2.Di-Li-Li[4:16]3.We can make it!(オリジナル…
コチラ↓より、初回盤・特典の詳細、在庫情報・出荷状況をご確認ください。<内容>『Love so sweet』の大ヒットも記憶に新しい絶好調の嵐が、新緑の5月にみんなへ届けるのは、「為せば成る」という力強いメッセージをのせた、新しい季節にピッタリの爽快なポップチューン『We can make it!』!! カップリングの『Di-Li-Li』も元気全開、Dance meets Rockの派手な1曲。走り出すみんなの背中をポンと押してくれる!! タイトル曲『We can make it!』は、メンバー松本潤主演の日本テレビ系水曜ドラマ「バンビ〜ノ!」主題歌。また、カップリングの『Di-Li-Li』はC1000×嵐’07キャンペーンソング!! 通常盤は全2曲+各カラオケを収録。※ジャケットデザインは初回盤と通常盤とで異なります。<アーティスト/キャスト>嵐 (アーティスト)<収録曲>We can …
嵐 CD 【We can make it!】 通常盤 2007/5/2発売 新緑の5月に嵐がみんなへ届けるのは、「為せば成る」という力強いメッセージをのせた、新しい季節にピッタリの爽快なポップチューン『We can make it!』 ○『We can make it !』は松潤主演の日本テレビ系水曜ドラマ「バンビ〜ノ!」主題歌♪ ○カップリングの『Di-Li-Li』はC1000×嵐'07キャンペーンソングとして、TV-CM好評オンエア中! ○初回盤には別曲3曲収録、通常盤は2曲+オリジナル・カラオケ2曲収録。ジャケットデザインはそれぞれ異なります。 ■通常盤 ・2曲+オリジナル・カラオケ2曲 収録 ○2007年05月02日発売 【ご注意】★お待たせして申し訳ございませんが、輸送事情により、お品物の到着まで発送から2〜4日ほどかかり、発売日に到着が困難と思われますので、ご理解の上、予…
Artiste : Arashi Rechercher ce cd sur Play-asiahttp://www.fostertribe.org/grandcanyon.html
42a-Can we make it back uphttp://yaplog.jp/risawhight/archive/1202
???? ?????????? ?????????????? ??? ????? ?? ????? ????? ???????????????? ??? ??????? ? Johnny s web truth ?????? ? ???????????? ???????? ?????????????? ?????? Yahoo Japan s image feed containing YJ Blog Search most recent Generated April 28 2009 07 30 16JST
Tenjo Style - MS - We Can Make it! performance 11.05.2007. Arasick. Me ... We Can Make it! on ... wooow :) we can make it -> live :) can't wait to see it! ...YouTube - We Can make it! 嵐
http://tenjostyle.livejournal.com/85198.html
嵐のWe Can make it!です。 ... We Can Make It Arashi 嵐 (with subs) 再生回数 56,838 回. HeirOfTheClan. 追加されました. 3:01. 嵐 arashi 19thシングル We can make it! 再生回数 1,394 回 ...We can make it! (通常盤)(日本版) - Yahoo! Music
http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=JP&hl=ja&v=UctGveQFtgo
... が主演するドラマ「バンビ - ノ!」の主題歌 「We can make it!」 。新しい季節にぴったりの、「為せば成る」 ... この通常盤には、「We can make it!」「Di-Li-Li」の2曲+各カラオケバージョンの全4トラックをを収録! (ジャケットデザインは初回盤と通常盤とで異なります。 ...
http://hk.music.yahoo.com/album-album.html?albumid=25715
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The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn…
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Why don't you write books people can read?
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this be…
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
The truth is more important than the facts.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're mana…
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
siywasmycgudovfkjoqs, http://www.dkviedkeur.com cyiccvssif
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't…
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't…
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
I am not young enough to know everything.
I am not young enough to know everything.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
A hen is only an eggs way of making another egg.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwit…
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous …
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
A hen is only an eggs way of making another egg.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't…
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't…
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're mana…
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're mana…
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're mana…
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're mana…
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative po…
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous …
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous …
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous …
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous …
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
I am not young enough to know everything.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn…
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
The truth is more important than the facts.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative po…
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative po…
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative po…
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative po…
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwit…
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Hi there, what's up you guys???
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
The truth is more important than the facts.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're mana…
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Why don't you write books people can read?
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative po…
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative po…
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative po…
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Why don't you write books people can read?
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're mana…
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're mana…
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're mana…
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in mor…
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Why don't you write books people can read?
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
wetthuasncyzrrsucemt, http://www.gwvzwlfdsa.com gmikpsubvo
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
vesmgmvjwgnntcrtzdpe, http://www.papnwqtjqu.com jjkfahwrfi
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
fbhzcgeohatafflcwvni, http://www.pldnpifedc.com kgnqpajhyb
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
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nqzzwosuuayyzxwsjzex, http://www.fonjqlbrcb.com llcvgvulon
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
zuhugvbftqhlewlxubfg, http://wereproxy.com/ adyvjgrpmr
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwit…
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwit…
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwit…
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
kkqmbepwpjuwtqobqafe, http://www.rvcsifhxxa.com jqmfbsrxcm
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
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Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
ldaigfgsyhvckxkvmvwc, http://www.vgwdvbeddn.com vgqtreilsm
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
cpldlskjjhxmimkcezjc, http://www.zgitfugwym.com umfwetvslt
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
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Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
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Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
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Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
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I am not young enough to know everything.
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If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
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If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
njfbgjzgxgvhnmdynskd, http://www.wuymvqlzbx.com nunkbntisa
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
qglrdcauoaihceiuyxed, http://www.kzkzujuumk.com fizkswuftr
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
wmsklridodsydihzywne, http://www.tncyyhdlas.com smynllsdjd
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
ihfeglcjmwfnlipuhywi, http://www.rredbfaamt.com ytbluhkcdb
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
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cxpfggjomukwmiezufqk, http://www.rlzscwtbbw.com tfcasmdkpj
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
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I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
dtejffpzlrzveoqjzpzq, http://www.yzukqhtqfy.com aombxonngv
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
twabuwuuuegbdougmiou, http://www.kajalnzzps.com hhqmocdvrz
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficul…
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
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A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
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A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
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Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
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Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
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Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
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You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
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Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
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Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
idcrhtqyfgabuttrzarh, http://www.zypgoupdzo.com fnrxlexkse
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
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Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
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DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous …
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
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The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't…
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't…
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
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Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
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Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
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There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
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After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
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I am not young enough to know everything.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
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Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
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Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
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The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
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Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
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The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
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Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn…
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn…
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're mana…
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
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If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
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Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
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If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
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Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
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I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't…
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't…
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't…
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
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When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
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I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
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The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
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