おでんが食べたいそんな季節です。なんちゃって。
体力的にまだまだやれるのでガッツガッツ検索しようっと。
見ざる聞かざる言わざると、情報の取捨選択は大事なことなので、まずはその訓練からはじめた方がよろしいかと。
たまにはゆっくりと温泉に入りたいと思いつつ布団に入りたいと思います。おやすみなさい。
アーティスト:嵐(ARASHI)レーベル:(株)ジェイ・ストーム販売元:(株)ソニー・ミュージックディストリビューション発売日:2008年11月05日メーカー品番:JACA-5124ディスク枚数:1枚(CD1枚)収録時間:61分41秒総曲数:6(シングル)このアーティストの新着メールを登録する星空の美しさと人と人との絆を歌った彼らのシングルは、メンバーの二宮和也が主演するTBS系ドラマ『流星の絆』の主題歌となった。ピアノの繊細な響きが随所で利いている。「僕が僕のすべて」は悩みながらも一歩踏み出そうとする決意を歌った青春ソング。KDDIのCMソングに起用された。タイトル(英名):『BEAUTIFUL DAYS』[Disc1]『Beautiful days』/CDアーティスト:嵐曲目タイトル:1.Beautiful days[4:55]2.僕が僕のすべて[4:31]3.忘れられない[4:14]…
アーティスト:(オルゴール)レーベル:(株)デラ販売元:[-]発売日:2008年12月12日メーカー品番:DLOR-566ディスク枚数:1枚(CD1枚)収録時間:64分28秒総曲数:12(アルバム)このアーティストの新着メールを登録するアイドル・グループ嵐の人気ナンバーを、オルゴール音でインストゥルメンタル化。本作の音色は“α波オルゴール”で構成されていて、大脳生理学的に効果のある“ゆらぎ”が含まれているとか。初期曲「感謝カンゲキ雨嵐」から最新曲「Beautiful days」までそろえたアラシックス必携の癒しサウンド。タイトル(英名):『ONE LOVE BEAUTIFUL DAYS RELAXING ORGEL』[Disc1]『One Love/Beautiful days/α波オルゴール』/CDアーティスト:ブルーライトワークス曲目タイトル: 1.Beautiful day…

ピアノ楽譜 出版社:ミュージックランド 仕様:菊倍判48頁絶好調!嵐のメンバーの一人、二宮和也主演、話題のドラマ「流星の絆」の主題歌を含む嵐の超ベストピアノソロミニ・アルバムです。ーBeautiful days・僕が僕のすべて・truth− ドラマタイトル 曲名 アーティスト TBS系ドラマ「流星の絆」主題歌 Beauteful days 嵐 au by KDDI CM使用曲 僕が僕のすべて 嵐 TBS系「魔王」 truth 嵐 TBS系ドラマ「山田太郎ものがたり」主題歌 Happiness 嵐 映画「花より男子 F(ファイナル)」主題歌 One Love 嵐 TBS系ドラマ「花より男子 2 (リターンズ)」主題歌 Love so sweet 嵐 TBS系ドラマ「花より男子」主題歌 WISH 嵐…
are free tickets for carers (available until the festival is sold out), disabled camping and parking. Please email with any queries or requests and they will do their best to assist you.http://www.phimbodvd.org/
Beautiful Days (6 DVDs)http://www.efestivals.co.uk/festivals/bands.php?BandID=5353
Howard Marks @ Beautiful Days 2007
海外メーカーを主に扱う自由が丘のカーテン屋さんです。CASAMANCE、CAMENGO、WARWICK、LIZZO、ALHAMBRAといった海外ブラン ドカーテンをはじめ、トリム/タッセル/ブラインド/シェードなどの室内インテリアに関する商品をお取り扱いしておりますYouTube - Beautiful days耳コピ
http://beautiful-days.jp/index.html
嵐のBeautiful daysを耳コピしてみました 最後らへんでミスタッチを連発させてしまいました それと、間奏のところを失敗しました ... ARASHI -Beautiful days- (piano) 141,951 views. pan2pan2satoshi. Added. 4:40 ...Beautiful Days
http://youtube.com/?v=bBvmeilGHeI
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Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficul…
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
The truth is more important than the facts.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're mana…
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
The truth is more important than the facts.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
Hi there, what's up you guys???
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
Why don't you write books people can read?
Why don't you write books people can read?
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
Hi there, what's up you guys???
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative po…
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative po…
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't…
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't…
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't…
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficul…
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
I am not young enough to know everything.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative po…
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative po…
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative po…
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in mor…
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in mor…
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in mor…
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwit…
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
A hen is only an eggs way of making another egg.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
The truth is more important than the facts.
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous …
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
I am not young enough to know everything.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
A hen is only an eggs way of making another egg.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this be…
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous …
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative po…
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.